Ups and Downs

I wonder why I don’t feel like I have heard as much on the shootings in Wisconsin that I heard after the shootings in Colorado. Is it because there were technically less victims? Is it because this one seemed less “senseless” because it wasn’t as random, being a specific hate crime? Is it all the other news-worthy excitement happening (between the Olympics and NASA landing its Rover on Mars, we’ve seen a fair amount of headlines generated)?

I am fighting to keep my chin up this week. It is necessary that I stay abreast of local and national news, but that doesn’t always inspire hope. The interplanetary news has been exciting, but I still think about that shooting. Why do we excuse a hate crime but find a crazy person with lethal weapons a mind-blowing scenario? Neither instance is acceptable, but our collective attention span has seemingly moved on. My heart goes out to the family members of those killed at Oak Creek.

I honestly have lots of good things going for me, many reasons to be thankful and keeping my face toward the sun. Projects at work move forward (albeit, slow… I still appreciate the forward motion). I keep running and that makes me feel good (even if it is just the endorphins making me feel that way). My apartment is STILL clean (shocker). Have you noticed the AWESOMENESS that is my new background on this blog? I get giddy looking at it. The one and only JLC over at Mild-Mannered designed the background for me. I love love love it. This weekend, I have a friend visiting me and we are going to play “tourists” in New Orleans on Sunday. AND [cue drumroll] I get to go to Tennessee in two weeks.

IN TWO WEEKS I GET TO GO HOME.

Home! That is probably the best part of my life right now. I generate personal positive vibes when I think of that trip, smiling just thinking of the family, friends, and places I’ll get to see that week. I have so much going for me right now! 

But then I have other things on my personal proverbial plate, too. The biggest one weighing me down is a missing friend. Yes, missing. I don’t know what happened to her. Her family doesn’t know what happened to her. The few mutual friends we have don’t know what happened to her. So my heart hangs heavy. I hadn’t seen her in over four years, but we kept in touch through text messages and emails. She had expressed being in a bad place (emotionally and literally) and then stopped communicating entirely. After hearing from her mom, I feel devastated. I can’t seem to focus on anything without thinking about her. What if something horrible has happened to her? What if that missing person report gets misfiled, misplaced, or labeled wrong? I knew she was having a rough time in life these past few months (well, last year or so), but now this? There is nothing I can really do but wait. Even with all my sunshine, there are still clouds. And these clouds lack silver linings.

You’ll have to excuse me if I operate on auto-pilot for the next few days (or weeks) (or months). This part of life's roller coaster hasn't been very fun at all.