Wednesday, May 25, 2011

sing. mate. die.

If you live in middle Tennessee, you cannot ignore the cicadas. They "sing" so loud that OSHA has declared 4 hours of continuous exposure to their sounds will result in hearing loss. I went on a 2.5 mile hike around the park today and sometimes could not concentrate because of the the throbbing, mechanical drone broadcasted by the insects. These things sing, mate, then die.

My hour-long hike provided a time for me to ponder this simple life of a cicada. Well, during the time I could actually hear myself think, I pondered. We (humans) do the same thing. But our songs are different. Mine is currently more like a whine, less like a melody. Because I am prone to freak out and stress out. And I think that every little detail of my every little day significantly alters the outcome of my life. But the cicadas remind me of that important thing. The result of each life is death. I can struggle all I want; will that ultimately be what I want to remember in my life?

I met with my thesis advisor today. Good news: my chapters weren't totally horrible. Not-so-good-news: my time is severely limited with the amount of work I have to accomplish. I am all tore up inside about whether to be happy or sad about my feedback. I got feedback in a timely manner, yay! I have a lot of stuff to do in a short period of time, boo! The criticism wasn't the worst, yay! But she nailed my passive voice, boo! Tomorrow will be a new day. I will work then write. Friday will also be a new day. I will work, then write. Guess what is on the agenda for Saturday! That's right! Work, then write. Sunday, too. This has been my song for literally years.

In other news, I am waiting to hear from more than one park about being hired, so that is good news. I used to consider finishing my thesis as the end, now I see it as the beginning. Now my job is making sure that my song matches my attitude and that I keep my attitude positive (so my song reflects a melody, not a drone).

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