Monday, June 13, 2011

pressing on

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:13-14

I very easily get consumed by my "now" and forget my life. My stress levels in recent weeks (well, months) have broken the stress-level-meters several times. I take on too much (always), don't ask for help, and can't figure out why I struggle so. But I have a choice in attitude. I have a choice in what I do, too.

This morning I woke to an email from my thesis advisor that told me I am very close, but not quite finished. She let me know that unless I had a solid 3-4 days-worth of writing within the next week, I probably won't meet the filing deadline. She will look into getting an extension, but is leaving on vacation next week and won't be back until the middle of July, hence why "time is a critical factor." Good Morning, Monday! I am happy to greet you, too!

While the email disappointed me, it shook me up a little, too. "Time is a critical factor." I had made it such a critical factor, it has literally made me sick, wiped out, run down, and barely functioning. That is not how this works! I am trying to find balance. A 3-4 day stretch devoted to writing would be a luxury. It is a luxury that, unfortunately, I do not have. I have today off, but between cleaning my old house, dropping stuff off at the recycling place and the goodwill, throwing on a few more layers of paint, and doing this in a fashion that I don't hurt my back any more than it already is, I might be lucky if I am finished by 9 o'clock tonight. But I press on.

This thing will get done. And maybe it won't be in the arbitrary deadline I set for myself to meet an August graduation date. But I still plan on having the writing portion complete by the end of June (essentially a few days after the deadline). Grad school will officially be over but the school won't acknowledge it until December. And you know what? Life will continue, time will march on.

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