Over the weekend while visiting my sister, I thought it would be fun to play with her WiiFit game. Before starting, I had to pick my "Mii," input my height, and step on the "scale" so the game would have a place for me to start. The game takes the measurements and applies it to the Mii according to where the measurments rest on the BMI scale. I watched as the game made fun "beep" "boop" "boink" noises and then plopped my little me into my applied measurements. It made my little Wii girl fat! What!?! I don't look like that! Do I look like that?! Ugh.
I have struggled with self-image issues and ultimately my weight for a very long time. Seeing myself as a Carl did not help anything. So that little fat Wii girl has been yelling at me every time I eat since I played that game. She yells "eat more veggies!" when I think about a snack. She yells "noooooo!" when I pick up a box of Girl Scout cookies. She yells "good job!" when I eat whole grains and a salad instead of a bacon cheeseburger. But I hate her.
So this morning I saw the pan of brownies on the counter. "Don't do it!" yelled little fat Wii girl. So I started to prepare a healthy breakfast instead. Then a deeper and louder voice emerged from within. "CHOCOLATE," demanded this other voice, "CHOCOLATE NOW!" I know that voice. It comes once a month and lasts for a few days. It is a very tormenting voice, difficult to ignore. Any female knows this voice that shows up and dictates life for a brief period every 28 days. They know that these voices are loud, often louder than other voices including that of Common Sense, Compassion, Sensitivity, and in my case, Little Fat Wii Girl. This voice often encourages violent thoughts, especially towards those with stupid ideas. And males. Heaven forbid you cross me while this voice is imposing its will upon my life. I will call the owner of this voice my own personal PMS Avenger. I hate her, too.
So I ate a half brownie in an attempt to appease PMS Avenger while hoping for a little encouragement from Little Fat Wii Girl ("at least you only at half, good job"). Alas. I only made PMS Avenger laugh an evil cackle and demand more chocolate. And potentially a heating pad, movies, slippers, a blanket to snuggle under, and some Midol. And I made Little Fat Wii girl feel powerless. This power struggle occurs once a month, like clockwork. Add in the other opponents, like "I-Can-Do-It-Girl," and and "There-Is-Too-Much-To-Do-Woman" and my list of things I want to accomplish on my last day off in a long time. This is an all-out battle.