Ravens and Writing Desks (Poe Wrote on Both)

It is already a new year in Germany (the place that my internal clock is still accustomed to). I figured it would be a good time to review the past year. I can use many words to describe the past year: remarkable, awesome, amazing, full, stressful, crazy, cool, fun-filled, bursting, insane, incredible, and now over.

In the past year I have visited 8 states and 5 countries. I added 9 new stamps to my NPS passport. My sister got married (woo!) and both my brother and dad served in combat zones. My mom got a crazy and awesome haircut (provided by hers truly). I crawled through tropical caves in Peleliu and conquered the wild cave tour at Mammoth Cave. I witnessed the most awesome Killers concert. Ever. I worked through tornado recovery and rebuilding. I changed my hair color only four times (5 if you count the hot pink I dyed my roots this evening). I presented a paper at George Wright (and am looking forward to presenting a paper at NCPH in March). I got to visit my aunt and uncle and cousin in Seattle. And my mom in Germany. I also got to go back to NOLA with my best friend. I delivered hundreds of talks at Stones River National Battlefield and saw the Junior Ranger program I helped design go to print. I discovered the answer to a riddle that has puzzled me for years. I helped Post-It Note two friends' cars. I saw my favorite restaurant close (tear). I met several new friends over the course of the year. I finished my graduate coursework and passed my comprehensive exams. I flew over both the Pacific and the Atlantic Oceans. I live with no regrets. And can now continue to look forward to 2010 without any.

choo choo

My roommate brought home stacks of paper today- paper printed with several copies of her thesis. She has some spiral bound and a small box ready to be hard-bound. Lucky. Seeing her all of her hard work stacked neatly in white reams of paper encouraged me. "I want that!" I think, I know.

So I got on a writing kick. I revised my chapter-serving-as-my-research-project. She's a beaut. I am very proud of it and started reading source material that will be included in my first chapter. I want to outline! I want to brainstorm! I want this done! I want a pretty, black, hard-bound thesis with gold, embossed letters as a title.

While I was goofing off (and by goofing off, I mean working on my thesis), I was avoiding studying for my comprehensive exams. Blah. I am taking those on Tuesday. I should be counting down the hours by now, right? Like a kid counting down the hours until Santa comes? But instead of stirring excitement, realizing how many hours are left between now and then will only spur a neurotic episode (and I'm trying to avoid those). I just have to be like the little train that could: I think I can I think I can I think I can. So I can eventually say: I thought I could I thought I could I thought I could, holding my degree in hand with the biggest smile on my face and a few tears in my eyes.

P.S. I have had four donuts and a hot dog to eat today. Plus a cup of coffee. And lotsa water. Thanks, Grad School. You've expanded my mind AND my waistline.

flockdraw

So I have found a new way to procrastinate. Flockdraw!

Up to ten people can "collaborate" on the same board, drawing, painting, writing, etc. So go ahead, friends! Create!

That that does not kill me...

Quick! While I am still in this frame of mind! I received feedback from my thesis advisor regarding an outline. There is hope! Overall, her feedback was positive.

Time is slipping away faster than I had planned. I am struggling to stay afloat here.

I am still freaking out, but it is currently a hurried, spastic type of freak out that makes me work harder. Kind of like the Kanye song (and a theme of my dad... the saying, not the song): That that that that that that don't kill me can only make me stronger.

I only have to make it to the 12th and I will be home free. Then I can sleep until the 16th. Then I will be on a plane going far, far away from this craziness.

the past is such a curious creature (that's why I look to the future)

I am feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work I must do in the next 11 days. I am also too tired to freak out about anything. My studying ebbs and flows; sometimes I feel confident and other times I feel completely ill-prepared. My written portion of the exam is a week from tomorrow (well, technically a week from today, considering the time).

I also have to revise my final paper and submit it, study, create an application packet for an award through NCPH and apply for the poster session, study, make DVDs of some sessions I filmed earlier this semester, study, work, study, pack, and, um, study some more. I would like to also make some Christmas cookies and mail some Christmas cards and crochet another pair of mittens and maybe sleep a little. Those are all just dreams.

My consolation prize: I get to see Germany two weeks from Thursday! And while I am sad that I won't get to see my dad while I am there (he will be in Afghanistan) I do get to see my mom! And hang out with some pretty awesome people for two weeks. And not have to think a bit. Maybe then I can crochet a pair of mittens. And sleep.

Ah, sleep.

this amuses me

In case you needed a mental break after hours of studying, watch this:



It makes me laugh.

A short zombie-less mix

Let's go away for a while... Weezer

I am currently sitting at a mental intersection, debating if I should just keep writing and wrap up my paper and finish my editing and footnote adjustments tomorrow or take a break from writing and do some rewriting and editing now. Either way, it will be word vomit that will have to be corrected tomorrow.

We will write a postcard to our friends and family in free verse... Weezer

Either way, I know I am spent. I have been working on this paper for 10 hours, minus 1 for brunch with my best friend (at the Hop of I, so I can see my little sister). But I also know that I have limited time, so I should be doing something. I view blogging as a break. Because I can write passively if I want and you caint do nothin' 'bout it.

I think I'll go home and mull this over... The Shins

I am also rocking out to some random mix developed by my iPod.

It's a luscious mix of words and tricks... The Shins

Oh, technology. You make my world go round. I can't imagine who I would be without you. And sometimes I hate you. You complicate life in more ways that one. And yet, the ease you provide in completing tasks help me accomplish so much. I believe we call this a "love-hate relationship."

Sun is in the sky oh why would I want to be anywhere else... Lily Allen

I went to the battlefield today to gather a few more materials and probably only spent 1 hour out of 3.5 actually researching. The rest of the time was spent chatting. Because I didn't want to be rude and tell friends and co-workers, "um, I don't have time for this. I am researching today! Ta da!"

I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag... Fiona Apple

One ranger in particular mentioned to me 3 (three) times that it was a beautiful day outside and it shouldn't be wasted inside researching. I assure you, John, if I had a choice, I would be out, enjoying the gorgeous November day. Alas, I am inside, pouring through books and files, scribbling and typing like a crazy person. Because I am one.

And if the answer is no can I change your mind... The Killers

Ok, I am ready.

Good News: We are going to the Winchester

I am feeling calm and completely freaked out all at the same time. It might be the same feeling that occurs when you do tai chi after chugging a Red Bull. I am making progress on my chapter and on my thesis, but I don't feel like I am doing enough. I also feel like I can't do the same things that I could do even three years ago. I must have eight hours of sleep or I feel like a zombie (and then I need to eat brains because mine don't work right). I used to average four hours of sleep a night and ran smoothly, no problems.

I also have my study questions for my comprehensive exams. Woo! Another layer in my life to freak out about! And because of the deadlines for my class, I have not paid proper attention to studying. If my head continues to spin as fast as it is right now, it will create enough momentum that it will actually lift my head from my shoulders and fly around the room. I'm not kidding.

The end of every semester looks the same. There will be tears, gnashing of teeth, stress, sweat, freak out moments that result in mass-consumption of chocolate, hope, fear, yelling, dreaming, and one day very soon (too soon while simultaneously not soon enough) it will just. End. Like. That. And I will be amazed that I actually lived through another semester and then sleep for a solid four days.

Vegan Zombies Only Eat Grains

I was writing this evening. Writing writing writing, like a crazy writing fool. The smoke from my flying fingers on the keyboard practically blinded my screen.

Then I stopped.

I am not sure why I stopped. I think I got distracted. That happens a lot. Alas, now I can't seem to get my steam built back up. But I have to! I need to finish this! I have little deadlines that contribute to managing the big deadlines. Ahh!

So then I decided to work on transferring footage from my camera to my computer to work on some editing. I figured if I can't be productive in my homework, I can still do things to cross of my "Things to To This Weekend" list. But something about my camera of my computer (or both) is not working, either. I think I am going to give up for the night, pop some popcorn, and watch a movie. I can cry about my wasted time tomorrow.

Zombies Only Want You for Your Brain

I still have not fully recovered from getting sick two weeks ago. This is ridiculous. My nose has been rubbed raw, my throat is killing me, my ear is throbbing, and no, I do not want any cheese to go with my whine.

Tomorrow I will get back to work. I have my comprehensive exams scheduled and got some of my study questions last week. And like always: I have to work on my thesis. My roommate and best friend turned hers in this week. Congrats to her, but I won't lie. I am jealous of her newly acquired freedom. Her graduate school shackels have been broken! She can fly, if she so desires! Now she has to figure out an employment situation. I'm going to be in that same boat, so even with the freedom comes duties. It's always something.