Wednesday, April 4, 2012

balancing act

I have grand plans for my life and not enough minutes in the day. By the end of my work days I usually say "oh, I didn't get around to [insert assorted tasks here]." My weekend to-do lists only see a portion actually crossed off. I have one life! I will live it to its fullest.

I sensed this urgency to go and do and experience and be by the time I was in middle and high school. Ten years ago this summer, I traveled to Africa on a mission trip. Some might ask "why then?" and I just respond "why not?" Indeed, the trip proved memorable and shaped me in many ways. People still like to ask "why?" and I generally respond "why not?" It suits me.

My biggest challenges, both personally and professionally, rest in patience. Practicing patience has never been a strength of mine. But I believe everything happens according to a plan bigger than my own. Why do I fight that? Why not? It is what I do, who I am. I find that the right tension between self-created stress from a desire to "do" and the resistance from all-things-beyond-my-control fuel my drive. It is when either of those things gets out of balance that I go particularly crazy. If I stress too much over things I can't control or if I attempt to be apathetic about these things, I work myself into a small Elizabeth Explosion. "Well, everything in moderation! Including stress!" I am, and have been, an all-or-nothing kind of gal for a long time. And it has (maybe 80% of the time) worked for me. Moderation, along with patience, has always been something difficult for me to practice. When some say "I want to get in shape, maybe start jogging," I say "I want to try and run a half marathon." I am who I am.

So I am trying to take my understanding of myself and make it work for me. I feel like I am still trying to adjust to Louisiana both at work and at home. I have Ben Franklin's quote "you may delay, but time will not" written on my calendar at work. And I will keep looking to the future, trying to make the moments I have been given count for something during my short stay on this planet. Why? Well, why not?

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