Tuesday, August 9, 2011

illusions and glimmer

Yet again, I am reminded that I am not in control. I am good at creating illusions for myself to make it easier for me to pretend that I have a grip on life and indeed, am the one steering my own ship called Fate. This has never actually been the case, however. I can't control the tiny spasms of my diaphragm during a case of the hiccups, why do I believe I can control every aspect of my life?

My reminder today, though, was a positive one. My name got sent out to several parks as a potential hire (because of my graduated status). Within an hour, two different parks contacted my park about me. Do you see that? That little piece on the horizon that seems to catch the light just right if you squint? That's called a glimmer of hope. I might get through this life just fine, after all.

What excites me most of those prospects is the fact that these jobs are what I want to do. I love what I do and don't dread going to work. I love to see the spark in a visitor's eye that indicates provocation of thought. I love to see brand new Junior Rangers take the pledge with their serious face, then proudly march out of the visitor center with their shiny, new badge. I love taking down the American flag and helping put the park to rest in the evening, knowing it will be there tomorrow, ready to greet visitors at dawn.

I don't know where I will end up, but my future excites me plenty. I could move to Massachusetts! Or Maryland! Or Florida! But I do know what I want to be when I grow up: fully aware that I can't control all things in my life but also grateful for every day and what each day brings.

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