This Ranger Does

Last summer I was tagged to be the token ranger in a series of photo shoots for the battlefield. They wanted professionally done pictures with the flat hat in each of them (and ethnically diverse kids... you can't forget the ethnically diverse kids). In preparation for the shoot my boss told me I needed to tone down my make up. He said rangers don't wear that much make up. I replied, "This ranger does."

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I thought of that and thought I would tone down my make up application. I had to swallow some pride (I don't leave the house without some combination of foundation and eyeliner on), but I am always trying to push myself to do better. I figured it would all melt off after a bike ride, anyway. So I chose several lighter colors and didn't use as much as I normally did. Within 5 minutes of me arriving to work that same boss called me into his office.

"You are going to be on TV," he stated.

"What?" I asked, thinking he must mean another news interview like I did a few weeks ago.

"Yeah, a camera crew will be here in 20 minutes and want to interview a ranger, so you're going to do it. It's some independent film thing."

Aw, man! No make up and subconjunctival hemorrhaging residue still remaining in my eye.

So I met the crew, got set up with the mic and lights, and tried to remain calm. There is a reason I stay on the viewing side of the camera. As the interview was about to start the host of the show said, "Don't worry, this will just be on national television." Now, I hang around with a series of people who exaggerate, tell fibs, and use sarcasm like its nobody's business. So I thought she was joking and we laughed it off. Then the camera guy said, "Yeah, it's just the Travel Channel." I laughed again. Oh, those kidders! They are funny and I was laughing; what a way to relieve tensions. Sigh.

Then I realized that they weren't kidding.

"What?" I asked for the second time this morning.

"Yeah, this is for a show for the Travel Channel. It is going to be the pilot episode and we are very excited."

At that moment, any ability to articulate comprehensible thoughts fell out of my head and all that remained was a series of letters, scrambling around my brain.

I didn't necessarily black out, but the twenty minutes after that exist in my memory as a fuzzy blur. The crew assured me that I did a good job (which I know is necessary on their part... I interview people, too, I know how that works...) and packed up their stuff and left. So maybe I'll be on tv. Au natural, red-eyed, and vomiting a jumble of words that may make sense with some severe editing work.

Thanks, Gib, for the heads up.