To Dad

Dear Dad,

Yet again, I am belated. It continues to happen more and more as I age (certainly more than I'd like to admit). This time, I even thought ahead and bought a card a few weeks ago, knowing it takes time to send things to Afghanistan. I almost beat the clock! But then I left the card at my apartment before my travels. Dang it.

As much as I thought the card was quality and fitting, I still felt it was not enough. How do I convey how I think you are the most stellarest dad on this planet (and yes, stellarest is a word when talking about stellar dads)? How do I share that I think you are amazing? I'll write about it.

I can't really think of my first memory of you, mostly because I can only remember life with you in it. I remember you explaining to me that trees do no make wind, rather that they only move because the wind was blowing (I had it backward). I remember you explaining how to measure the distance of a storm based on the number of seconds counted. The storms still felt terrifying, but you made them seem almost fun. I remember you telling us that you were a super secret spy so you couldn't tell us your job and how I felt like I wore a super hero cape when I told neighborhood kids at the playground of your job. I remember you taking us to a local baseball field to fly kites one day. On that day, you also left your coffee mug on top of the van and it spilt down the windshield as we drove away- you just said " ooooh! man!" That was a first time I had an inkling that you were human.

I still have an inkling of your humanity, but now I have a simultaneous appreciation of you as human. You are so patient! You are so understanding! You are kind and thoughtful. And goofy and relatable. Whether you are telling stories of exploding watermelons or listening to my own stories, you remain the best dad I can imagine. It is hard for me not to brag.

I miss you a lot while remaining insanely proud of your service. Only a short time before your leave and then a few months again before you are home for good! We (your whole family) is super excited about that. And I look forward to my dad being physically close again. In the meantime, know I consider you close even though you are far away. And that I am proud of you. And that I miss you.

I am sorry I couldn't spend Father's Day with you. I am even more sorry that I did not send that card in time (and by the time you get it, we will be shooting fireworks for Independence Day). But I do love you and want you to know I think you are awesome. I pray for you daily and can't wait to see you again!

Happy Father's Day to the best dad.

Love,
One of your three kids who love you and can't imagine life without you.
~ekg








- Posted from my iPhone

running with raccoons

Yesterday, I ran through where I thought was my favorite place to run, along the Cumberland River at Cross Creeks National Wildlife Refuge. But then I encountered wildlife. This was not the first time I've encountered wildlife there. I've seen a dead timber rattlesnake before. Yuck. 

The first "encounter"was just the "plunk" sound of turtles dropping from their logs into the water. "Ah, nature," I thought, "it adds to the experience." As I continued down the trail, I remembered that snake. In the distance, I thought I saw what could have been one, so I edged to the other side of the road. By doing that, I scared the snot out of a tortoise who ambled as quickly as a tortoise could to the water side. Watching a tortoise move as quickly as possible was mildly entertaining- after my heart rate came back down from being startled myself. (It turns out when you get startled, that whole breathing-heavy thing complicates running form). The "snake" I saw was only a log, and I tried to keep my cool.

As I worked my way back, I saw a raccoon cross the road ahead of me. "Hmm," I thought. "What do I know of raccoons? Are they vicious? Will it attack if startled? Should I slow down or speed up?" Seriously, this is the only think I could think of:

As soon as I passed through the area I where I thought he might still be, I picked up my pace and remained especially on guard. So when I passed the six inch turtle that I thought was a rock until he pulled his head into his shell, I nearly lost it. The turtle startled me enough to take a breather and think ahead to future runs (and alternative locations). 

I need a desk outside

I find that I feel mentally at my best when I trail run. I think it might be my body shifting into survival mode. Or maybe it is just my paranoias that become more vivid (I am always mindful of the fast zombies that seemingly pop out of nowhere anytime somebody is in the woods during "The Walking Dead"). Either way, my senses sharpen and my thoughts quicken. I have to keep an eye on the path in front of my and what is upcoming. I have to be mindful of my footfall and how (and where) my feet land. I have to be ready to bend or duck or leap, depending on the obstacles.

As my body finds its way through the woods, my mind feels just as agile. I think clearly and orderly about what I need to do as I step to the left to avoid poison ivy. I process through problems as I meander over the little streams. I discover "a-ha!" moments as I feel the sun filter through the leafy canopy.

The only drawback to my clear thinking during trail runs? My lack of desk space in the woods. I have nowhere to write, type, or record my moments of brilliance. Sometimes I remember to go home and write these things down. But sometimes those thoughts have to stay along the trail, entangled among the briars and vines, waiting for my next dash through the woods to pick them up and sort them out again.


PS. Today is Day 3 of my writing challenge. So far, so good.



- Posted from my iPhone

30-Day Writing Challenge

Starting tomorrow, I am joining a friend for a "30-Day Writing Challenge." The challenge is whatever you make of it- you could write for a certain amount of time every day, a page-a-day, or work towards a goal. I have many things I think I want to write about, so I opened up a suggestion post on Facebook. Some suggestions were good (I had contemplated before), some were funny, and then there is always my go-to : "Pirates. Please write about pirates." I love that my friends know me so well.

Now, you may be thinking "she never writes on here anymore, so there's an idea." I had that idea, too. I contemplated writing for my blog(s) for 30 days. I might do that. However, one of the things I realized while I have been processing my many writing-challenge-ideas is that my personal purpose(s) of the blogs have been met. Granted, one of the purposes for this blog was to keep family up-to-date with going-ons in my life. I feel a little guilty about that, especially for my long-distance family. But my need for a place to organize and post my thoughts has waned. I am not in a place where I feel like I am floundering (like I was when I was in Louisiana and much of graduate school). I still have struggles, yes, but they are entirely different in nature. I am not looking for a way to make me look busy typing like I was in grad school. I don't document trips and I don't feel like I live in a foreign country anymore. So what do I post? Better question: why do I post?

I also sense that I want to start directing my focused writing on things I would like to actually get published. Crazy, right? When I direct so much attention to keeping up my blog(s), all I am doing is diverting my energies into, well, space. "The Interwebz." I am not saying I am giving up blogging entirely. In fact, I have a feeling blogging will one day again serve as a method for me to rev my writing engines when I have mental blocks. It may also serve as a sounding board (a reading board?) for portions of my works. I'm not done, yet.

And as far as what I think I will focus on: set times and amounts of sitting and writing. I think I am going to use this time to build better focus habits. I let day-to-day happenings interfere with my intentions. If I can make time to train and workout, I can make time to write. If I want to be serious about this, I need to make the deliberate decisions that move me in that direction.

And maybe one day I'll have a novel about pirates, too.



- Posted from my iPhone

New post... about running... (surprise, surprise)

Surprise!

I wrote a fairly deep and personal blog post and then disappeared for over five weeks. I know. I am slightly disappointed, too. I have just been busy.

Over the past several weeks I have considered writing many blog posts, ranging from my Vegas experiences, to how much I love Spring, to how I decided that flood water clean up was good for my bowling game (building muscle is building muscle, you know). Maybe I'll get there, maybe I won't. I still want to share about the actually getting-married-in-Vegas part, but that will be another post.

I figured I would write about... a run. Surprise-not-surprise! I am one month away from the nearly 194-mile race from Madison, Wisconsin to Chicago, Illinois. Noooo, I am not running the whole thing by myself! I am running with eleven other teammates, each rotating legs of the race! As a matter of fact, I think I was assigned the easiest of legs. It may have something to do with my registered speed. It's like Melanie sang: I don't go too fast but I go pretty far.

This will be my first Ragnar Relay and I am super stoked. I am stoked for a number of reasons. It will be fun. I am running faster than I ever had before. I can run five and six miles and feel like it is just "a run" (long runs are starting to gain in distance... eight miles is my mental "long run" now). I can run in shorts now (a serious first)! I am running with family (my husband, sister-in-law, and good friend among others). I will be able to tell people I did it in another month and two days.

This is kind of what I look like while I am training.
Don't hate.

There is one in Tennessee that runs from Chattanooga to Nashville and I am incredibly tempted to organize a team for that race. Ask me after Ragnar Chicago. Well, maybe about a week after Ragnar Chicago when I forget about my sore muscles.

Tornado Anniversary (Sort Of)

Two days ago, I drove up from Atlanta. I wore my running clothes so I could stop somewhere between the ATL and Nashville (through the prettiest country from Georgia to Tennessee) to go for a run. Initially, I stopped at Kennessaw Mountain (excuse me, Kennesaw Mountain National Battlefield Park). Being the largest contiguous green space in the metropolitan Atlanta area, it is a local runner's mecca (awesome trails and lots of hill work). But I had forgot my jacket and it was a breezy 31 degrees and ain' nobody got time for that. So I worked my way north. I contemplated stopping in Chattanooga. Ultimately, I stopped at my old stomping grounds, Stones River National Battlefield. I love to run there. I know the trails, am familiar with every curve and bend of the paths.

As I tromped my way around the park, I saw this.

And it reminded me of the tornado that hit Murfreesboro almost four years ago. Four years! In one way, it hit four years ago today, Good Friday. But since Good Friday hops around the calendar, the "official" anniversary is April 10th. That tornado impacted my life (in many ways). Obviously, its impacts still remain on the landscape, too.

It proved to be a good run, nearly 5 miles of soft trails and sunshine.

happy birthday to me!

I am a few days late, but have had a busy few days. Usually, I use my "birthday post" to write a letter to myself. Actually, I usually journal a letter to myself every year on my birthday (I have done that since I was sixteen). It is almost in lieu of new year resolutions. That day separated every year by a whole 365 days allows me a chance to think about my life a little broader than the day-to-day.

This year, however, I forgot to do that (on my actual birthday, that is). I will do it some time this week, but the day itself played out a little differently. Instead of waking up to cupcakes, I woke up to a high-protein breakfast that included eggs, bacon, and broccoli. Yes, broccoli for breakfast (I figured as the day progressed I'd find reasons to exclude eating anything green so I might as well fit it in). I then tied on my new pair of running shoes and deliberated where I should go. Did I want to drive to the battlefield (a twenty minute drive) where I knew I would run a longer distance or just stay in Cumberland City where I don't like the view as much (but it is closer). As I was mentally warming up what my route should look like, it dawned on me:

Crosses Creek National Wildlife Refuge opened last week!!! Woo hoo!!!

Oh, gravel trails that run along the Cumberland River, how I have missed you! What an excellent birthday present!

Even better than finding an awesome birthday present was finding my running "zone." About two miles into the run, I hit this bizarre zen-like mental state in which my body moved comfortably and my breathing felt perfect and I sensed my form was good and and I was in a zone. The temperature was my favorite (55 degrees) and the sun smiled down on the trail. A few times I had to leap over mini-streams and muddy spots that crossed the road. The day was perfect, the run was perfect.

It was probably the broccoli that empowered me. More broccoli for breakfast.

I talk about enjoying running a lot on here, but I definitely don't always love every minute of it. I often have to force myself out the door and convince myself "just a little bit more" when I get tired. It isn't always easy and the days aren't always sunny. But thirty difficult runs make up for the one "perfect run." And now that my favorite course has re-opened, I sense I will have more days of better running. Or at least a more positive outlook when I start my runs.

For one birthday reflection-slash-present-to-myself, I decided that I want to train for a full marathon. Not only that, but I want to run those 26.2 miles at a Boston marathon-qualifying pace (right now, this year for my age group that time is completion in 3 hours and 35 minutes... that's 8-minute miles). And I want to do that by the time I turn thirty. Good news! Over the past few months I have been thinking I already turned 28 and would be turning 29 this year (because something short-circuited in my brain, evidently). It turns out I actually just turned 28 and will have a solid two years to train and run and meet that goal so when I write my "happy birthday to me" letter on my 30th birthday, I will be able to include a pretty solid accomplishment in my letter.

And now you know. And can even help keep me accountable.

have dirt, will garden

I sing "It's the most wonderful tiiiiiime of the yeeeeear" a lot. I consider many times throughout the year "the most wonderful." This time, it is dirt season.

By winter's end, I get an itch. I need dirt! Under my fingernails and streaked across my work clothes! All winter, I read about gardens, looking up various plants, plotting what might grow where. I fall asleep reading gardening magazines and dream about fresh tomatoes. This past winter was no different. Elation followed the arrival of seed packets while sunny days triggered vast amounts of anticipation! And then it happened: it was time to start some seeds.

Inside, I started several seeds that will be planted outside mid-April. Outside, I started several leafy varieties that like colder weather (spinach, kale, lettuce, other assorted rabbit foods). Yum! Now I have little seedlings inside (and I think I saw a sprout outside yesterday). My babies are growing! I water them, and turn the light on for them, and talk to them provide them with vast amounts of CO2.

I am fortunate that my parents have their "farm" where I can roam around and play in the dirt. I recently moved to Nashville and live in an apartment, but am close enough to the farm that I can trek back and tend to the bigger garden often. I also have several seedlings started to take back as potted plants in order to maintain a mini-garden at my Nashville apartment. Mmm, fresh-from-your-backyard-produce! I can't wait.

Rabbit food identified with popsicle sticks.

Rows! Glorious rows!

My favorite feeling- dirt under the fingernails and mud on my pants.

intentions

You know, all day long I had this window open, intending to write a post. This morning I thought about intentions and realized all the many intentions I had this week that I did not accomplish. So I thought of next week's intentions and realized I needed more deliberations instead of intentions. Rather than intending to do something, I need to discipline myself to deliberately accomplish something. I thought about it all day, in fact. All day, I intended to write about the difference in the two and now here it is, 11PM and I am just now writing. But those original ideas have been overshadowed.

I am just now writing, thinking of my biggest intention this week. It is still sitting on my nightstand. I propped it on there to remind myself when I turned on my light in the morning to find a stamp (I have a book of them sitting by my keyboard on my desk) and put it in the mail. The envelope is even addressed! But now it is too late.

Earlier this week, my sister called to tell me that the health of her mother-in-law (the mom of my [awesomest-brother-in-law [ever] so I suppose that makes her the [awesomest] mother-in-law [ever], too) was deteriorating and Hospice had been called in. The week before I had a short visit with Hope.  She, like always, smiled and asked how I was doing and congratulated me on things going so well in my life. She shared some encouraging stories. Even through her own exhaustion, pain, and struggles, she made me feel light and warm when I left her. So last week, when I heard about how her condition turned quickly, I wrote out a thank you card to her.

I had the intention of mailing it all week. Now it leans against my lamp. Unopened.

It is difficult to describe the combination of heartache and relief when I found out this evening that Hope's suffering was now over. She's been called Home! She rests in peace with Jesus! I am confident I will see her again one day! But that doesn't stop the grief.

I want to end with something uplifting. I want to share the fond memories I have of the high-energy woman who was always willing to share. And I will do that one day. But now, in this moment, I think of her husband and how he had lost the love of his life and grieve. I think of her sons and how they've lost their mother and grieve. I think of her parents and how they've lost their daughter and grieve. I thank God that He provided an amazing extension of a family to me. But gratitude doesn't remove the heaviness on my heart as I listen to the rain outside that sounds like how I feel inside.


Hope, thank you for your service and attitude and your smiles and your encouragement while you were here. You will be missed by many.

Here I Go

Because of my schedule last week (and then being hit by a cold these past few days), I haven't run in nine days. I need to get out there, but it is currently 32 degrees outside. And I am comfortable in my sweatshirt and slippers. So starts the battle:

Get out there!

But it's cold!

That's what hats and mittens are for!

It has been so long and the first day back is so hard!

You have to start back up somewhere!

What's another day? 

Don't be a wimp!

Wimps don't get enough credit in life!

You'll be fine once you hit the pavement.

I like it inside.

Go get that blood pumping!

Ugh.

I feel 95% better, but still wheeze a little when I breathe. So I plan to take it easy today. I know if I go out there and move it move it, I will feel better. It is just working up the motivation to put on my running shoes that seems to be the tricky part today.

Here I go.